Reviewed: No Intelligence Found

My friend, Josh, sent me a link to this, I thought it was hilarious:

Troll away…

Atheist sees Big Bang in a Piece of Toast

Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddlesfield following the news that a local man saw an image of the Big-Bang in a piece of toast. Atheist Donald Chapman, 36, told local newspaper, “The Huddlesfield Express” that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye.

After hearing an early morning knock at our door by Jehovah’s Witnesses, I thought this would be apropos:

I have a video addition to my Jerry O’Connell post, LOL Tomcat:

Have you heard the gossip about this Tom Cruise Scientology video?

These are of the St. Ignatius Mission. No I did not burst into flames, but I did feel a little nauseated.

Just in case you were starting to think I couldn’t poke fun at myself…

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, “She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn’t she know there isn’t a God?”

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying “Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don’t you know there is no God?” But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, “Humph! I’ll fix her.”

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, “You ol’ crazy lady, God didn’t buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!” At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, “I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn’t know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!”

It’s the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
“Jesus, can’t you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?”
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake….and falls
knee deep in water.

Moses says, “Well….maybe you need a head start or something, why not
go to the end of the dock and try.”

So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
falls up to his waist.

Moses says, ” Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
lake and try there.”

So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
to step off and try again when…

Moses says, “Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state
of mind you were in the first time you did it.”

So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he’s all
psyched up, and steps out of the canoe…. ..and precedes to drown.
So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn’t see what’s
going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, “I got it! I know what’s wrong! Did you have those
holes in your feet last time?!?!”

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a
fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven’s gate waiting
for St. Peter to admit them. While waiting, they wonder if they could
possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask
him.

St. Peter says, “I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has ever
asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.

The couple sits waiting for two months and begins to wonder if they
really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it
all. “What if it doesn’t work out?” they wondered. “Are we stuck
together forever?”

St. Peter finally returns after yet another month, looking somewhat
bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple. “You can get married in
Heaven.”

“Great,” says the couple. “But what if things don’t work out? Could we
also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

“What’s wrong?” exclaims the frightened couple.

“Come on!” St. Peter exclaims. “It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’s going to take me to find a
LAWYER?”