I totally stole this, I wasn’t tagged, and I’m not tagging anyone. I feel no guilt.

1. Wrapping or gift bags?
Mostly wrapping paper, but sometimes a gift bag just works better.

2. Real or artificial tree?
Artificial all the way. I’m terrified of house fires.

3. When do you put up the tree?
December 10, my birthday.

4. When do you take the tree down?
January 2.

5. Do you like eggnog?
Yuppers! I especially like eggnog milk shakes.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Oy! I have no idea, I don’t even remember them. Maybe Frosty, the Siamese cat I was given. I woke up Christmas morning and she was hanging out of my stocking.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Um, that would be a vehement ‘NO’.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Fabric Softener, and a six-pack of Coke.

9. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Snail mail, if I remember.

10. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Meet Me in St. Louis.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Christmas Eve.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Home made noodles. Otherwise known as pure cholesterol.

13. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
My Christmas tree has clear and blue lights. The multi-coloured ones are just tacky to me.

14. Favorite Christmas song?
Maybe Deck Us All With Boston Charlie.

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
We usually go to Hungry Horse, but that’s not exactly major travel.

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Vixen, Donner, Blitzen, Dasher, Dancer… Rudolph? I guess not.

17. Angel on the tree top or a star?
You can probably guess this one — a star.

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
What’s the point of Christmas if you’re going to open presents on Christmas Eve?

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
Where should I start? Pushy, rude shoppers, carolers, carols, Salvation Army bell-ringers, fruit-cake, long-lines at the post office/store/bank, etc., etc.

20. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color?
I suppose my tree has mostly blue ornaments.

21. What do you leave for Santa?
A warning not to drink and sleigh. ‘Cause you know people leave him booze!

22. Least favorite holiday song?
That effing bells song.

23. Favorite ornament?
My stuffed Classic Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore ornaments.

I’ve seen this meme floating around and thought I’d give it a try:

1. I actually hate intentional misspellings like the one in the title. The insertion of a number for a letter, using a K instead of a C, or the like, and what I like to call “IMbonics”. I hate it so much that I will correct posters, advertisements, signs, etc.

2. I have an almost irrational fear of hiccups. Hiccups have also been known to set me into a rage if they won’t go away soon enough.

3. I have this thing about imaginary lines. I’m not quite sure how to explain this, but it has to do with how things line up. Let’s take my desk for example. I have a box to hold scrap paper, and in my mind, the four edges that touch the desk all have [imaginary] extended lines. Other things on my desk need to either line up with those lines, or not cross them. Round things, like my pen holder are exempt from this rule, but round things radiate an infinite amount of their own lines that cannot be avoided. Some things on an angle can cross the lines, because they act as a mirror and redirect the lines elsewhere. Make sense?

4. I don’t really count things, like steps or breaths, but I will occasionally, in my head, start counting by twos. I’ll usually do this while driving, waiting in line or waiting for a doctor’s appointment. I don’t really set out to do it, I’ll just notice that I am.

5. My food cannot touch. The steak cannot touch the potato, and the potato cannot touch the vegetables which cannot touch the steak. Anything served on a bed of rice will get sent back to the kitchen, and if everything is just piled onto a plate, I will ask for several clean plates and separate everything manually. This does not apply to things that are meant to touch, such as Stews, pasta dishes or salads. Oh, and garnishes are not allowed.

6. I can’t really explain the specifics, but my laundry must be folded a very particular way. Every time. No exceptions. Also, hanging clothes must face the same direction.

7. I can do anything with my left hand that I can do with my right hand, except write. Anyone who’s seen my handwriting would suggest that I can’t do that with my right hand, either. My mother even asked me once if I was sure I was right handed. (To be honest, my handwriting has improved somewhat since I was last in school.)

There you have it, I’m weird, and I’ve accepted that. I tag anyone who wants to participate.

Methinks I will be laughing for days…

The Ultimate Internet Mind Virus

I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said “Call 911!” but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an email entitled “Join the crew!”

He knew it wasn’t a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates (It’s true–I read it all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld Vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the email to everyone I know).

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidney, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said “Welcome to the world of AIDS.”

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital–the very one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every email he receives. I sent him two emails and one of them was a bunch of X’s and O’s in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people only will give you OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN YEARS!)

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

And it’s a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.

(author unknown)

Thirteen Things I Absolutely Love
1. Elvis Presley. I remember telling a neighbor girl I was friends with, that people who were born the year that Elvis died were cursed. She believed it.
My favourite Elvis song, That’s Alright Mama:

2. Eeyore, and in particular, Classic Eeyore. I’m trying to learn to be more positive and less, erm, gloomy, but there will always be a part of me that relates to Eeyore.

3. When Solomon, my African Grey Parrot, says to me, “Can I have a kiss? Mwah Mwah Mwah!” As much as he can try my patience sometimes, when he says that — my heart just melts.

4. Bugs. There are a few exceptions, namely, cockroaches, but I love all the colours, sounds and behaviors of bugs.

5. Mary Jane style slipper socks. For the past few seasons they’ve been super trendy and in all of the stores. I can’t get enough of them!
6. The art of Juli Adams. We first saw her work at an an arts festival here in Kalispell, and I immediately fell in love with her paintings. We bought a print that day, but I’d love to purchase an original.

7. I love to bake. It’s odd that I don’t like to eat most of what I like to bake. I don’t have much of a sweet-tooth, and while I like bread, I don’t eat a lot of it.

8. Binders, page protectors and divider tabs. I also love Sharpies, Papermate felt-tipped pens and highlighters. Oh, and red, Swingline staplers, automatic pencil sharpeners and three-hole punches. I guess I just love Staples and Office Max.

9. This should be a given, but I lurve cats. I may love them, but I need another like I need a hole in the head. Five is more than enough for me.

10. Applebee’s Bruschetta Burger! I could eat those all day, everyday!

11. I can never have too many sets of stationary, note cards and cute envelopes. I don’t know why I haven’t gotten into card making or stamping. I should start that hobby, just so I can have the cute correspondence stuff!

12. Orchids, lilacs, roses and dahlias. Those are all of my favourite flowers.

13. I love most anything to do with the ocean. My dream home would be Monterey Bay Aquarium. Sure, I know it’s not a house, but I’ll bet I could make it one!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Image courtesy of Samulli

Thirteen Reasons Why I Feel Like the Frog

Last week’s Thursday Thirteen unintentionally took on an air of depression. Really, I’m perfectly cheery. I thought that this week I’d try to counteract the negativity with a list of the good things. Here they are:

1. I got an A on my second English essay. I will always take an A without complaint.

2. Two words: Nintendo Wii! In addition to The Legend of Zelda (my favourite game series), I’ve also developed a love for Wii Sports — I can kick some serious boxer butt, throw a 95mph fast ball and bowl a perfect game.

3. My Pink Butterfly iDog. Sometimes it takes so very little to amuse me.

4. My favourite cat, Meg, curled up and slept with me last night. She tends to be a little haughty. Humans tend to soil her silky fur.

5. I think I’ve got linear regression figured out. I was a little worried at first, but it’s surprising what you can learn if you actually read a math textbook.

6. Torchwood brought back Susie! Sure, it was just for one episode, and she was the bad guy, but they did bring her back. From the dead, even. (I’m a huge fan of Indira Varma.)

7. At Costco I found almond scented bath wash, hand soap and lotion. I don’t think there’s any scent I love more than almond. Maybe Febreeze, but I don’t want to smell like Febreeze.

8. I found a recipe for Dutch Babies:
1 TBS Butter
1 C. All-purpose flour
1 TBS Granulated Sugar
1¼ C. Milk
2 Large Eggs, at room temperature
¼ tsp Salt
Confectioner’s Sugar, for dusting
Fresh fruit of your choice (the recipe recommends nectarines and black berries) for topping.
Optional: ¼ tsp. Vanilla Extract and/or ¼ tsp. Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 375°F. Put the butter in a 9-inch pie pan and place it in the oven to met.

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, combine the flour, granulated sugar, milk, eggs and salt. Using an electric mixer set at medium-high, beat the mixture for 1½ to 2 minutes, or until smooth. Remove the pan from the oven and carefully swirl to evenly coat the bottom with the butter. Pour the batter into the pan and bake for about 30 minutes, or until the edges have risen and are crisp and golden-brown, and the center is set but still soft.

Remove the pan from the oven and dust with confectioners’ sugar. Cut the pancake into wedges, top with fruit and serve immediately.

Makes 6-8 servings.

9. It’s Hallowe’en and there will be tons of horror flick goodness on the telly tonight.

10. My computer is completely spy ware, virus and error free. All of my hard drives are defragmented and backed up. All updates to all programs are installed and functioning, and all of the ‘junk’ files, empty folders and dead shortcuts are gone. I run all of our maintenance programs on a schedule, but it feels nice when everything is done at the same time.

11. My three day bout with heartburn is over.

12. I have a huge stack of magazines to feed my habit. This might be considered as just another item to add to my to-do list, but kicking back with a magazine is what I do when I want to avoid my to-do list.

13. My honey has three days off in a row to spend with me!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Simple Rules: Take the nearest book next to you and answer the following questions (questions in bold):

Title and Author: Slammerkin by Emma Donoghue

Is the book dedicated to anyone? Yes, it is: “This book is for my agent and tireless ally, Caroline Davidson.” She must be one helluvan agent.

What is the first sentence? From the Prologue: “There once was a cobbler called Saunders who died for eleven days.”

Turn to page 47. Please share the first sentence of the first full paragraph. “She was already pulling on Mary’s stay-strings; she tugged them so tight that Mary cried out.”

Image courtesy of Samulli

Thirteen Reasons Why I Feel Like the Cricket

1. I never, ever, ever get heartburn. But, the last three nights in a row — I’ve had the most killer, hellacious, buckled-over heartburn.

2. I got a B (88/100) on my first English Composition essay. My grammar was correct, and my English instructor even said it was a great essay. But, he couldn’t tell me how to increase the grade to an A. It didn’t have ’spark’. He couldn’t explain to me how to achieve an A, he just knows spark when he sees it. He has twenty years experience, afterall. I fail to see how he’s teaching me composition. But I know teaching in action when I see it.

3. No matter how much OJ I use to chase my cherry-flavoured, Vicks 44 cough syrup — the vile taste just doesn’t go away. Vicks 44 is also not helping the heartburn.

4. Y’know how sometimes you just need a change? Going back to school is certainly a change, but that’s not quite what I mean. I can always get a hair cut, or buy new clothes, but that’s not really what I mean, either. I tried changing my blog, but that didn’t do it. That’s the problem, I can’t define it.

5. I think I found a group of people that I hate more than cops — postal workers!

6. I really, really, really want to nick the neighbors cat. She’s teeny (like our youngest cat, Jazz), and is the sweetest cat.

7. I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes since August. I know, there are poor children in third-world nations who don’t even have shoes.

8. I’m going to withdraw from my photography class and take it next semester. I got behind in the required dark room work, and now I’m just lost. I hate having to admit that I don’t get something, or that I can’t just figure it out on my own, but that’s how it is. I can’t figure out how to process negatives or make prints on my own. There, I said it.

9. Omega-3 Fatty Acids are the greatest things ever, but they don’t quite take all of the edge off of anxiety.

10. It would be really nice to sit back, relax and read something I want to read.

12. The computer has been giving me fits, lately. Everyday there’s something new that slows it down. Eventually, I’m going to spend time on the computer just to run various anti- or PC Maintenance programs and never do what I need or want to do.

13. Just blah.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Questions courtesy of LittlePea

1. Who were your role models growing up? Are they the same now that you’re older or have they changed?

Y’know, I don’t remember ever having any role models. It’s possible that I did have a role model, but I can’t think of who it would have been. I would also say that I don’t really have any now. No one has ever impressed me so much that I would strive to be like them.

2. What was the best advice ever given to you? What was the best advice you ever gave?

I was once told that when you lie about your age, you should lie UP. If you’re 30 and say you’re 35, then you’re a 35 year old that looks younger. But if you’re 30 and say you’re 25, then you’re a 25 year old that’s looking a little older.

As far as giving advice, it would be: Negative reinforcement does not work with birds. I told quite a few clients that while working at an independent pet shop.

3. Do you believe in, or have you ever had any encounters with ghosts?

Okay, I don’t REALLY believe in ghosts or anything metaphysical or spiritual (or whatever you want to call it), but I’ll go to my grave believing I’ve seen one. At Allerton Park in Monticello, IL, there is a lady in white who is said to walk the grounds. I’d been hiking with my friend, Worley, and it was hot and we had no water when I saw her walking in the woods and then disappear. I must have been hallucinating. It wasn’t until we later spoke with a ranger that we learned that this particular ghost had been seen many times.

4. Okay, hypothetical scenario: An asteroid is heading straight for Earth and will destroy everything. The good news is, every human will be evacuated to a twin planet. There is only enough room to bring one sentimental item, what are you bringing?

Actually, and this is a little odd, I’d bring a stick with me. But not just any stick, this stick:

I found this at Girl Scout Camp when I was little, and painstakingly whittled away most of the bark and then coated it with Polyurethane. I’ve had it for roughly 20 years. A former roommate was quite surprised when I ripped him a new one for using it to beat a rug.

5. Surely you must be sick of my bragging about my secret special beach. You always have beautiful pictures on your blog and have mentioned geocaching a couple times. Do you have a special place of your own that you visit for peace of mind and solitude?

I could never get sick of hearing about your secret beach. Only madly jealous of your shark teeth finds. Madly.

Peace of mind and solitude? Not gonna happen. Not ever. I have no desire to change that since I don’t see my lack of calm as negative.

Interview rules:

1. If you would like to participate, leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. Update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you ask them five questions.

If you request questions from me, please give me a few days so that I can personalize them.

Thirteen Things About Returning to College

1. The fresh-out-of-high-school freshman are so tiny! Much smaller than my peers were when I was eighteen.

2. 140 dollars for a book? Is it made of gold? $140 is actually nothing compared to what the nursing students are paying for their books or what the engineering students paid at the UofI.

3. What exactly am I going to major in? Since it’s a small community college I’m attending, I have four choices: associate of science, associate of arts, assosiate of applied science and associate of applied arts. But what to do after these next two years? Beats me!

4. If my English instructor asks me where I learned something one more time…

5. I remember math being a lot more difficult. Oh wait, it wasn’t, I just didn’t do my homework. Why didn’t I do my homework in high school and get this stuff out of the way?

6. 97% on my English placement exam? I missed a question? Show me! I want proof! (If any of you regularly read my blog you might be asking, “how did you score so well on your English placement exam?” The answer is simple, my blog does not affect my GPA.)

7. When DickBlick said that this 18″ x 24″ portfolio actually holds 18″ x 24″ paper, they were lying.

8. My classes and homework had better not interfere with Dancing with the Stars, Heroes and Lost, or I’m not going! I kid!

9. Can they teach me how to think inside of the box? This abstract thinking that no one but me understands is beginning to get frustrating.

10. I’m almost certain that the pre-Socratic philosophers must have had an early bid on the opium trade.

11. I can overcome my disrespect for authority and check my attitude. I will not be asked to leave.

12. My photography instructor attends Burning Man every year and says, “it’s cool!” a lot. This is going to be a fun class!

13. Dan must love me a lot to bust his tail like he does so that I can go to school full time. I shouldn’t be so hard on him when he leaves his dirty socks turned inside-out on the floor.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

50 Books: A Meme of One’s Own

Five most recent books you’ve bought for yourself:
1. Montana Trivia by Janet Spencer
2. Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs by John Lydon
3. 2006 Federal Aviation Regulations Aeronautical Information Manual (FAR/AIM)
4. Faking It by Jennifer Crusie
5. Accidents in North American Mountaineering 2002 by Jed Williamson & Nancy Hansen (editors)
Bonus: The Intellectual Devotional by David S. Kidder & Noah D. Oppenheim (I put this in because I bought it yesterday, after I had already typed everything out).

Five books you’ve most recently given other people:
I’m cheating here because these are the most recent books we’ve sent out via Paper Back Swap
1. Darkness, Tell Us by Richard Laymon
2. Living Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris
3. The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer: My Life at Rose Red by Ellen Rimbauer
4. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling
5. Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

Five most recent books you’ve loaned other people, and their status:
Ummm… I haven’t lent any out.

Last five kids’ books you bought:
The Harry Potter series are the only children’s books I’ve purchased, the answer would be books 6, 5, 4, 3 and 2.

Last five books you looked at on Amazon/Chapters/Powell’s/etc.:
That would actually be the five books under ‘the books I’ve recently given to someone’. But, anyway. I usually look at books on Quality Paperback Books
But, they are:
1. The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory
2. Where are they Buried, How did they Die? by Tod Benoit
3. Five People who Died During Sex by Karl Shawn
4. Cell by Stephen King
5. The Desk Encyclopedia of World History by Elizabeth Martin

Top five books on your “to read” pile:
1. Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs by John Lydon
2. Othello by William Shakespeare
3. Club Dead by Charlaine Harris
4. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer-Bradley
5. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Bottom five books on your “to read” pile:
1. 2006 Federal Aviation Regulations Aeronautical Information Manual (FAR/AIM)
2. Middlesex: A Novel by Jefferey Eugenides
3. The Time of the Dark by Barbara Hambly
4. Quiet as a Nun by Antonia Fraser
5. Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood