Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal his Mother couldn’t help but notice how lovely Peter’s flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum’s thoughts, Peter volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates’.
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, ‘ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the frying pan, you don’t suppose she took it do you?
‘Well I doubt it, but I’ll e-mail her just to be sure’ said Peter. So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU ‘DID’ TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU ‘DID NOT’ TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER
Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read…
From the Manufacturer
The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airport employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare change and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no time to spare, she picks up her luggage and hurries to board her flight!
The reviews are what makes this product page entertaining, but the review from loosenut proves to be the best product review, ever.
I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I’ve heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I’ll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).
Alabama: Hell, yes, we have electricity!
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos can’t be wrong!
Arizona: It’s a dry heat.
Arkansas: Literacy ain’t everything.
California: Our women have more plastic than your Honda.
Colorado: Don’t ski? Don’t bother.
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, only smaller.
Delaware: We like the chemicals in our water.
Florida: Ask us about our grand kids.
Georgia: We put the fun in Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii: Welcome mainland scum, leave your money and go.
Idaho: More than just potatoes. Well, okay, we’re not, but the potatoes sure are good. Illinois: Please, don’t pronounce the ‘S’.
Indiana: 2 Billion years and tidal wave free.
Iowa: We do amazing things with corn.
Kansas: First of the rectangle states.
Kentucky: Five million people; fifteen last names.
Louisiana: We’re not ALL drunk Cajun wackos.
Maine: We’re really cold, but we have cheap lobster.
Maryland: If you can dream it, we can tax it!
Massachusetts: Our taxes are lower than Sweden’s.
Michigan: First line of defense from the Canadians.
Minnesota: 10,000 lakes and 10 zillion mosquitoes.
Mississippi: Come visit and feel better about your state.
Missouri: Your federal flood relief tax dollars at work. Montana: Land of the big sky, the Unabomber, Right-wing crazies and honest elections.
Nebraska: Ask about our state motto contest.
Nevada: Hookers and poker!
New Hampshire: Go away and leave us alone.
New Jersey: I got yer #@$&!% motto right here!
New Mexico: Lizards make excellent pets.
New York: You have the right to remain silent, but no right to self defense!
North Carolina: Tobacco is a vegetable.
North Dakota: We really are one of the 50 states.
Ohio: At least we’re not Michigan.
Oklahoma: Like the play, but no singing.
Oregon: Spotted owl… It’s what’s for dinner.
Pennsylvania: Cook with coal.
Rhode Island: We’re not REALLY an island.
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? Well, we didn’t actually surrender.
South Dakota: Closer than North Dakota.
Tennessee: Home of the Al Gore invention museum.
Texas: Se Hable Ingles.
Utah: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus.
Vermont: Too liberal for the Kennedys.
Virginia: Where government stiffs and slack jaw yokels mix.
Washington: Our governor can out-fraud your governor.
West Virginia: One big happy family. Really!
Wisconsin: Come cut the cheese!
Wyoming: Where men are men and sheep are scared.
Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddlesfield following the news that a local man saw an image of the Big-Bang in a piece of toast. Atheist Donald Chapman, 36, told local newspaper, “The Huddlesfield Express” that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
After hearing an early morning knock at our door by Jehovah’s Witnesses, I thought this would be apropos:
Making the latest email rounds is a new computer screen cleaner, which is great, since the best LCD screen cleaner I’ve found so far is a pencil eraser. Check it out: Here.
A Bozeman, MT lawyer is installing a 1000 gallon shark tank. I guess he’s bringing in partners to his firm. I’m kidding. I actually don’t mind lawyers, and it’s nice to see one with a sense of humour. Being a fish geek, I also can’t wait to see how the tanks turn out.
BOZEMAN, Mont. (AP) — It started out as a joke - a lawyer putting a shark tank in his office.
“I said, ‘What would it take to put a shark in a lawyer’s office?’”, and it kind of took off from there, said attorney Christopher Gillette.[...]
Gillette plans to fill the saltwater tank with a miniature marine ecosystem, including at least two sharks - a blacktip reef shark being flown in from the Caribbean Sea and a bamboo shark that will be hatched from eggs in the tank.
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said “Call 911!” but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an email entitled “Join the crew!”
He knew it wasn’t a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates (It’s true–I read it all last week in a mass email from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld Vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the email to everyone I know).
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidney, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said “Welcome to the world of AIDS.”
Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital–the very one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an email and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every email he receives. I sent him two emails and one of them was a bunch of X’s and O’s in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people only will give you OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have bad luck FOR SEVEN YEARS!)
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
And it’s a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
